Bad nights come and go...

We all have bad nights. It is a fact of life. Last night, I gotta tell you, really SUCKED! I was thinking I was on my way home to meet my precious savior. I was run through the ringer, and back. I had accelerated heartrates, chest pain, light headedness, insomnia, and an excruciatingly painful shoulder. I managed to sleep about an hour. I am not afraid to face death. I have crossed that line several times, and I cannot adequately describe the peace and beauty I experienced. The problem is, my father died when I was six. I have two girls. I don't want them to have to grow up like that. But do you want to know what was the worst? It was mostly anxiety! (my shoulder hurting is an old injury, acting up) It is bad enough, that my heart is junk, but now I have to fight my mind too? Geez! As with all cliche's though, I just put one foot in front of the other, and start swinging! I just want my good days back. Not the "good old days," but waking up without anticipating, not "if", but "when" something is going to go wrong. I don't share this kind of stuff with people outside of the cafe, but anyone who reads this, knows where I am at. I love life. I love every day I wake up. I love God, and I love the man heart disease has helped me to become. But, I just want a little break. I don't want to think, "this might be the last time I do this", or "did I use that oppurtunity to leave my stamp on something?" I am going to feel sorry for myself for the rest of today, and get up and kick some @$$ tomorrow. God bless you all,and thank you for letting me be weak for a couple of minutes. TTFN.